I’ve said before I love therapy! My favorite part about therapy is talking to someone who listens, which doesn’t happen often with two teenagers and a 10-year-old, and I get to work out life kinks to achieve happiness and balance. What have I been working on? One big issue is letting others show up for me.
There was a long period in my life when asking for help was met with disgust, and I was made to feel if I needed help, I was less than others, or something was wrong with me. This translated in my head to the idea that I needed to be perfect and handle everything on my own. Mistakes weren’t part of life. They were failures that would be pointed out. I am telling you it is impossible to be perfect, and you will have a shell of a life. I look at pictures of myself from that time, and I no longer recognize that person. I was so drained and so exhausted!
What does letting people show up look like for me?
Telling someone directly you’re unhappy with their behaviors or actions and allowing them to correct things. This means having uncomfortable conversations, which is another thing I am working on in therapy that I will save for a later blog post.
I have done this with a few crucial people and feared they would never talk to me again. My relationships with these individuals grew even closer because we started understanding each other more clearly and learned where the boundaries are within the relationship. All those people have shown up for me in incredible ways since the tough conversations.
All types of relationships are work. If the person is essential to you and you are to them, they should listen and respect you. If they don’t, that’s a red flag that maybe it’s not a relationship you should be a part of anymore.
Ask for help! I was lucky enough to move to a street as a newly single mom with neighbors who have taught me most people want to and are happy to help. I could have just won the neighbor lotto, but most people are kind and generous when given the chance. You are not in this alone. Over 8 billion people are on this planet, and 90% are willing to make your day/life more manageable. As for the other 10%, you don’t need them. You still have over 7 billion people. Let people help you get your mail, take care of all four pets, let the kids play at their place so you can blog, etc. I have discovered that acts of service are one of my love languages.
Since letting others show up for me, I have felt more love and happiness. I especially want my children to see that they don’t have to be perfect and that asking for help is part of life. They can learn the value of errors and corrections, and the world will not fall apart.