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Love and independence

Being in a relationship and being your independent self is a delicate balance. This is true of any relationship, but more so in a romantic connection. Maybe we have fairytales and movies to blame for thinking you must give every part of yourself to someone else to be in love. In reality, you don’t even need a significant other to be truly happy.

You are the only person responsible for your happiness or lack thereof. Thinking you need a partner to be fulfilled is silly. The right partner compliments and enhances your life but doesn’t complete it. However, getting lost in the endorphins of love does feel good. You can indulge in those feelings without losing your independence.

Keep your hobbies and interests. Don’t set them aside when Mr. Wonderful comes along. Still, make your interests a priority. Your partner should also be able to pursue their interests.

Make plans with friends independent of your partner. Once you make plans, keep them. If he is Mr. Wonderful, he’ll understand you’re a person who doesn’t ditch your friends, and he won’t expect an invite or interrupt you during this time.

Spend time alone. Go on a trip, have a movie/writing night, or whatever interests you. It’ll give your partner time to miss you and give you more to talk about. You are a much more interesting person when you can do things independently.

Be an independent thinker. It’s nice occasionally to bounce ideas off someone, but you also should be able to make decisions independently. Your partner doesn’t need to know every thought, every moment. Please don’t text and call them 100 times a day.

Creating space in your relationship for both to be individuals enhances the relationship, and all those love endorphins are even more potent.


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