Love and independence

Being in a relationship and being your independent self is a delicate balance. This is true of any relationship, but more so in a romantic connection. Maybe we have fairytales and movies to blame for thinking you must give every part of yourself to someone else to be in love. In reality, you don’t even need a significant other to be truly happy.

You are the only person responsible for your happiness or lack thereof. Thinking you need a partner to be fulfilled is silly. The right partner compliments and enhances your life but doesn’t complete it. However, getting lost in the endorphins of love does feel good. You can indulge in those feelings without losing your independence.

Keep your hobbies and interests. Don’t set them aside when Mr. Wonderful comes along. Still, make your interests a priority. Your partner should also be able to pursue their interests.

Make plans with friends independent of your partner. Once you make plans, keep them. If he is Mr. Wonderful, he’ll understand you’re a person who doesn’t ditch your friends, and he won’t expect an invite or interrupt you during this time.

Spend time alone. Go on a trip, have a movie/writing night, or whatever interests you. It’ll give your partner time to miss you and give you more to talk about. You are a much more interesting person when you can do things independently.

Be an independent thinker. It’s nice occasionally to bounce ideas off someone, but you also should be able to make decisions independently. Your partner doesn’t need to know every thought, every moment. Please don’t text and call them 100 times a day.

Creating space in your relationship for both to be individuals enhances the relationship, and all those love endorphins are even more potent.

Hydration rescue products

Around this time of year, I have to hydrate!! Of course, nothing works better than increasing your water intake, but here are some great go-to products you can find easily on Amazon, and a few of them are under $20. They also make great gifts!

Mielle Rosemary Mint Scalp & Hair Strengthening Oil. I apply about once a week and let set at least a few hours before washing my hair.

Arvazallia Hydrating Argan Oil Mask. This works well on my fine hair. I apply once or every other week before a workout, pull my hair back in a slick pony and wash out afterward. If you need more hydration, wear it overnight.

Laneige Lip Mask. I received this a few years ago; it is part of my bedtime routine. Around the holidays, you can find gift packs.

Laneige Glowy Balm. Use during the day for super moisturized, glistening lips. The Gummy bear is my favorite.

The Body Shop Peppermint Cooling Foot Rescue Lotion. I keep this one on my bedside table and put it on before falling asleep, or even better, your significant other does it for you. Thanks babe!

Peter Thomas Roth 5piece Mask Kit. It’s a great sampling that will last a while.

Stanley Tumbler. I finally gave in to the trend and got a Stanley. I completely understand the craze now. It is easy to refill, so I can sip on water all day to stay hydrated. I love that it fits my car cupholders and keeps my water ice cold. Plus, it goes in the dishwasher.

Parenting adult college kids

Parenting a college student takes lots of patience, understanding, and love. They are adults but still need and, for the most part, want your guidance but also want their independence.

The first few months were uneasy. This is the first time they are independent, and you don’t always know where they are, who they are with, or if they are safe. I am aware there is an endless supply of drugs, alcohol, and bad people on all college campuses. I don’t have blinders on.

It has gotten easier. She survived the first year, even with a campus shooting. There are many moments when I bite my tongue and remind myself this is her life. She must make mistakes to determine how to succeed and be resilient. Most of the things I wanted to comment on worked themselves out. Someday, she will learn tattoos are forever, or at the very least, painful to remove.

Here are my top tips for parenting your college student.

1. Pick up the phone. I have my daughter’s calls set to ring through, no matter what. They still come through if my phone is silent or do not disturb. Sometimes, I cannot answer the phone, but I try to answer her calls as much as possible. I want her to be comfortable calling me no matter what, and sometimes, she needs to know I am still there even though she doesn’t see me every day. Someday, she will have her own family in her adult life, and the calls probably won’t be as frequent, so I am going to enjoy that she calls now and treasure she always knows she can call Mom.

2. Watch the silly TikToks. I don’t even have the app, but she sends endless videos anyway, and many of them tell me how she thinks/feels or give me a good laugh. And it’s an easy way to connect.

3. Ask how you can help; don’t assume you know. Our adult children’s anxiety/issues are no longer our responsibility to take on. I am okay to listen and give advice when she wants it, but she must be the one to work out this part of her life. Sometimes, she will ask me to do something I know she can do, like composing an email to a professor. I tell her to try it on her own first, and she thrives 99 percent of the time. She just needed some positive encouragement. I constantly remind my children everything works out and that anything is solvable. You always have options, even if it seems like a dead end. If she is overwhelmed, instead of telling her what she should do, I ask how I can help, and often, her answer surprises me, or she wants me to listen.

4. Speak up on the critical parts. If your adult child or anyone else is in danger or their mental well-being is on the line, speak up to get them help. College is a time of so many adjustments that they may not see they need help.

5. Talk to a good friend. This is also a time of a lot of change for you as a parent. Sometimes, talking through situations with a friend who also loves your child and won’t judge them is a must. All those things you need to stay quiet on giving an opinion, vent them out, and let go.