Let others show up for you

I’ve said before I love therapy! My favorite part about therapy is talking to someone who listens, which doesn’t happen often with two teenagers and a 10-year-old, and I get to work out life kinks to achieve happiness and balance. What have I been working on? One big issue is letting others show up for me.

There was a long period in my life when asking for help was met with disgust, and I was made to feel if I needed help, I was less than others, or something was wrong with me. This translated in my head to the idea that I needed to be perfect and handle everything on my own. Mistakes weren’t part of life. They were failures that would be pointed out. I am telling you it is impossible to be perfect, and you will have a shell of a life. I look at pictures of myself from that time, and I no longer recognize that person. I was so drained and so exhausted!

What does letting people show up look like for me?

Telling someone directly you’re unhappy with their behaviors or actions and allowing them to correct things. This means having uncomfortable conversations, which is another thing I am working on in therapy that I will save for a later blog post.

I have done this with a few crucial people and feared they would never talk to me again. My relationships with these individuals grew even closer because we started understanding each other more clearly and learned where the boundaries are within the relationship. All those people have shown up for me in incredible ways since the tough conversations.

All types of relationships are work. If the person is essential to you and you are to them, they should listen and respect you. If they don’t, that’s a red flag that maybe it’s not a relationship you should be a part of anymore.

Ask for help! I was lucky enough to move to a street as a newly single mom with neighbors who have taught me most people want to and are happy to help. I could have just won the neighbor lotto, but most people are kind and generous when given the chance. You are not in this alone. Over 8 billion people are on this planet, and 90% are willing to make your day/life more manageable. As for the other 10%, you don’t need them. You still have over 7 billion people. Let people help you get your mail, take care of all four pets, let the kids play at their place so you can blog, etc. I have discovered that acts of service are one of my love languages.

Since letting others show up for me, I have felt more love and happiness. I especially want my children to see that they don’t have to be perfect and that asking for help is part of life. They can learn the value of errors and corrections, and the world will not fall apart.

Inflatable decoration delight

Give into the yard blowups! My boys have been asking for a few years every holiday to get one of those giant yard blowup decorations. I finally gave in, and to my surprise, they are fabulous! It’s just been a few days, and I wonder about the durability in the unpredictable; today is fall, tomorrow is summer, and Wednesday may be winter, Michigan weather.

I was fighting the blowup idea so much because yard inflatables are not nostalgic, classic, or, some would say, tasteful. When I finally said I would consider one, my ten-year-old took the task very seriously. He requested to go to a few stores to look at all the possibilities, and to my surprise, he didn’t immediately grab the largest, most colorful one he saw.

I suggested we get Jack the Skelton riding a coffin sleigh. My son returned to me to earth saying, “Mom, we are not spending $150 on a plastic blowup”. I responded, “But there’s Zero, his cute ghost dog we could get also.”

When I could tell I wasn’t convincing him, we went to online research. We found a 10-foot, three-ghost blowup on the almighty Amazon for a fraction of the price. It was amazingly on our doorstep when we woke up the following day. Do Amazon workers ever sleep? Does anyone else feel guilty when the deliveries are so early?

I let my 10-year-old take the lead, and we spent that afternoon together setting up all our Halloween decorations we’ve collected over the years and the new blow-up. He conveniently took a long snack break while I tediously put up a million bats by peeling off the tiny adhesive stickers on each, but seeing his pride and excitement over this yard blow-up changed my mind. I must admit, it looks spectacular, and we have even received compliments from neighbors. I’m lucky the kid has good taste.

In a more practical sense, the blowups take up little space to store and are so easy to set up. I am wondering why I didn’t give in sooner. These decorations may not be nostalgic or classic to me, but they will be someday for my kids, who grow up so fast. My two oldest have taught me; now that one is in college, the other is looking at colleges. Just embrace the magic now while it’s there and they are home with you.

When we woke up the following day, another package was at our door. Amazon people, take a rest! It was a set of blowup pumpkins! I can see how easily people’s yards get taken over by blowup decorations. We have set a firm line that we are stopping at two for now… but there’s always Christmas!

What do I take?

I am not a doctor, and I don’t play on TV. I can’t tell you what supplements/vitamins you should be taking, but I can share which ones I take that make me feel good.

• Vitamin D

• B-Complex with C

• Biotin

• Women’s Probiotic

• Whole Foods Stress Support

• Magnesium

• Vital Proteins Collagen Peptides

It’s a short list, which makes it manageable for me. I eat healthily and try to get most of my nutrients through food. I added Vitamin D daily last winter, which has made a massive difference in my energy and mood.

The trick with taking vitamins successfully for me was figuring out the timing. I have found that the afternoon works best, except I take the magnesium at night. If I take them in the morning, I feel nauseous. If I take them at night, I get heartburn. Again, this is what works for me and I am not saying it is for everyone.