Find Your Soul Friend

Everyone should find their soul friend, not soul mate, but soul friend. I am lucky enough to have a number of friends that support and love me. However, my soul-friend believes I have superpowers even when I am not sure of myself. There is no judgment with your soul friend, just unconditional love mixed with calling each other out when we need a dose of reality.

The key is being comfortable enough to be completely raw and vulnerable with each other. It is never a competition. We know we both have our own strengths and weaknesses and push each other to be the best version of ourselves. We openly ask each other to be held accountable. We may say I need help remembering to meditate this week or how to have that tough conversation with a coworker/family member.

Go find your soul friend, and life is so much brighter! Try being a little vulnerable and see how it is accepted and reacted to. If that person doesn’t totally support you, they can still be a good friend, but they are not your soul friend.

I know we are all busy, so how do you make time to find and connect with your soul friend? It does take effort, but well worth it. Here are some ideas.

• Talk to each other on a commute. My soul friend has about an hour commute and will often call me on the way home from work. We text ahead of time to see if this is possible.

• Stay connected by sharing healthy life practices. We encourage each other to meditate, share fitness goals and hold each other accountable, read life improvement books/articles together and discuss them to see how to apply them to our lives.

• We have a ritual once a week to meet at a favorite local café and journal together. We were good about this pre-pandemic and are now getting back to making it a priority. We journal about our gratitude, life goals, and steps to accomplish those goals. We read each other’s journals and have an open, honest conversation. She might see a better path to what I want to accomplish or see things I could improve.

• We do collaborative activities with both of our families. I think it’s essential for your soul friend to be invested and involved with your life. Once you travel together, you really know if you are compatible with being soul friends.

You don’t have to share all the same interests as your soul friend. The purpose isn’t to find someone exactly like you. It’s to find someone that won’t judge you, call you out on your bull shit, and push you to be your best person. So, go find that person that makes your soul feel good and encourages each other to dream big, no limits!

Relating to Teen Sons

A magical thing happened one evening; my 14-year-old son smiled and laughed. He was at one time the happiest, go-lucky kid that adored me and showered me with hugs and cuddles. Then, he turned 13. I’ve heard the same story from several other moms. Although I know he loves me and still randomly gives me hugs, he is no longer a boy but a mini man. I feel like this happened overnight. My other two children are eager to spend time with me and chat endlessly. I realize I don’t have much in common with this mystery of teenage boy, so relating to him takes more thought and energy. I made it part of my New Year’s resolution to figure out how a mother relates to a teen son? Here’s what I discovered.

He still needs his mom to be his mom. He wants me there to reach out for a hug and occasionally some of his childhood traditions that belong to just the two of us. I’m not going to disclose those because embarrassing him does not create a closer bond. He won’t tell me, but he still thrives on hearing I love you and I’m proud of you, although now many of those are sent through text.

If you want your teen son to take action on something or respond, send a text. This also works if you want him to stop picking on his little brother or empty the dishwasher. I can speak these words a dozen times or send one text, and there is no nagging or complaining.

Feed him. Better yet, buy his favorite foods and hang out in the kitchen a couple of hours after dinner. Don’t offer to make it for him! The magical part is that he has to stay in the kitchen, and you can chat while preparing his second dinner. In the summer and during a pandemic, this same routine happens at about midnight.

Watch what they watch. Even better, take the time to sit with your son while they are watching. This was advice from a good friend, and it’s true. So now we have a show that we watch together every week, and my son is always delighted to show me the latest YouTuber he is obsessed with or a fantastic world he found in Minecraft. It may not be something I would be interested in on my own; however, I find myself getting hooked and asking questions.

Go to a trivia night and be on a team together. I discovered this accidentally when we went out to eat one night. I somehow impressed him with my knowledge of hockey and current events, and I was so impressed when he guessed James Patterson as an answer just because it’s his favorite author, and it was right! Who knew he co-authored a book with Bill Clinton? We still laugh about that.

My best advice is to hug them every chance they reach out to you. They are stuck between kids and adults and still want to know their mom is there when they need you. Hang in there. I hear that they won’t be so alien-like in a few years and will return to the sweet boy you once knew. I’ll be holding onto hope that that is true!

Space Please

It is a violation when someone doesn't respect our personal space. This is why we teach kids about personal space from a young age. So why do we let people constantly invade our space by text message? Text is a common and convenient way to communicate. Some people use it to avoid ever having to talk in person or over the phone. When a person sends us a message, it is in our space and our heads. We absolutely have the right to decide when to respond. However, many people feel sending a text warrants an immediate response. So they will send excessive texts to make sure you know that.

If someone were to physically poke you over and over or call repeatedly and leave message after message, you would consider this behavior harassment or stalking. Expecting someone to pause life to immediately respond to you is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. When I send a text, and it takes a while for someone to answer, I respect that person has a life and priorities.

I see this behavior a lot in my two teenagers. They think they need to respond right away and even get anxious about not responding quick enough. It's good to help them understand not everything is urgent, and usually, our best replies are thoughtful, not just reactive.

If you are dealing with a text bandit, recognize that it is your choice when to respond. Try conversing with them about your text boundaries and how you are not always available to answer immediately. If the behavior continues, recognize this as a red flag to reconsider your relationship with this person. If that is not possible, like you share children together, set a time to respond that works on your schedule, or respond to a group of messages in one sitting to clear them off. No one has the right to interject themselves into our lives 24/7.

I know this sounds like we are going back to kindergarten, but just respect other people's space and time.