Space Please

It is a violation when someone doesn't respect our personal space. This is why we teach kids about personal space from a young age. So why do we let people constantly invade our space by text message? Text is a common and convenient way to communicate. Some people use it to avoid ever having to talk in person or over the phone. When a person sends us a message, it is in our space and our heads. We absolutely have the right to decide when to respond. However, many people feel sending a text warrants an immediate response. So they will send excessive texts to make sure you know that.

If someone were to physically poke you over and over or call repeatedly and leave message after message, you would consider this behavior harassment or stalking. Expecting someone to pause life to immediately respond to you is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. When I send a text, and it takes a while for someone to answer, I respect that person has a life and priorities.

I see this behavior a lot in my two teenagers. They think they need to respond right away and even get anxious about not responding quick enough. It's good to help them understand not everything is urgent, and usually, our best replies are thoughtful, not just reactive.

If you are dealing with a text bandit, recognize that it is your choice when to respond. Try conversing with them about your text boundaries and how you are not always available to answer immediately. If the behavior continues, recognize this as a red flag to reconsider your relationship with this person. If that is not possible, like you share children together, set a time to respond that works on your schedule, or respond to a group of messages in one sitting to clear them off. No one has the right to interject themselves into our lives 24/7.

I know this sounds like we are going back to kindergarten, but just respect other people's space and time.

Welcome to R&W

Ribbons & Wine originated from two friends up late one night tying a bunch of ribbons for an upcoming wedding, and yes, of course drinking wine. While we worked and laughed our heads off in pure joy of being together and talking about life, we kept coming back to a shared desire to start a platform that’s inspiring, fun, and provides helpful, empowering information. It hit us at the same time; what we were doing right at that moment truly reflected the journey women go through from childhood to womanhood, and taking on all the world hurls at us, thus the name Ribbons & Wine.

Shortly after this epiphany, the world was hit with a pandemic. Ribbons & Wine took a backseat to home schooling, emotionally supporting our loved ones, and dealing with newfound uncertainty. We might have also binge watched some shows and renovated a house.

As we find ourselves returning to a more “normal” life, I am thrilled that my good friend, Natalie and her business, Parkway Interiors, are busier and more successful than ever. The dream of Ribbons & Wine is certainly still alive. With Natalie supporting me all the way, I am excited to transform Ribbons & Wine into a blog full of helpful, ever-evolving content to share with you. Since I am lucky enough to have a bestie that is also a talented interior designer, Natalie will definitely be popping up in some of my blog posts from time to time. I can’t wait to share some of our COVID house renovations with you, so stay tuned!

Gaslighting and Children

There are so many important conversations to have with our children. One I feel is overlooked is the topic of gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that is common in our society and I have seen it shockingly prevalent in children and their interactions. I would guess that most children don't know the term gaslighting, or that it is a form of abuse. As an adult, I have only become aware of it over the last few years. I don’t believe children intentionally try to harm others via gaslighting; but rather are uneducated on what they are doing or are modeling behavior they have experienced. I've even witnessed gaslighting between my own children. The approach I have taken has been to educate my children to not use this malicious tactic and to try to teach them to spot when others are using it on them. If your child is experiencing gaslighting, you may need to consult a professional therapist for advice. I am not a therapist, but I believe it is an important topic so I have put together some talking points I have found useful.

• Gaslighting is when someone tells you you’re wrong or events didn’t happen the way you think they did. It makes you question yourself. An example would be someone called you a name and later they say they never called you a name, you don’t remember that right.

• Someone using gaslighting is often trying to stop the truth from coming out or wants to have control over you.

• What you think and feel is ok. You should be respectful of what others think and feel.

• You do not have control over other people’s thoughts, decisions, and behavior, only your own.

• It is not ok for you to tell someone how they perceive or remember events, just as it is not ok for anyone, even adults, to tell you how you remember or perceive events. Of course, there will be different perceptions of how things happened. You should be respectful of how others perceived events, and in return, they should be respectful of your interpretation. In a healthy relationship, you talk about these differences and have empathy for others. You do not try to change or manipulate how someone thinks and feels.

• If someone tries to change the way you remember events, tells you that’s not how it happened, or says you are lying, you can say something like:

• “We disagree, and this is how I see it.”

• “You can’t tell me how to feel. My feelings are mine.”

• “I feel like you are not listening to, or hearing me.”

• “I understand that may be your perspective, but it’s not mine.”

• “It’s not healthy to tell me how to feel; I need space.”

• If you feel like you are being manipulated, you need to talk to a trusted adult to help determine if that is a safe person and a relationship worth continuing.

• Relationships should build us up and make us feel good. They should not make us question ourselves or our sanity.